the vynsane asylum

AMC is having a John Wayne marathon. I've actually caught a couple I've never seen. I used to think that if I was living in the Old West, it would be cool to hang with him. I'm not so sure about that anymore. A lot of his friends die in his movies.

First episode of Dr Who (season 5). I've never watched it before - and in Canada, that's saying something as it's bbc produced. I automatically turned the channel as a kid because the hero was always old & they talked in that wonky English which no one here can understand. Anyhow, it was half decent. I think I'll keep going with this season & see how I make out - if I get caught up I'll go back & watch the first 4 of of the modern seasons.

Here's a hint:

BLUCHER!!!!!

I can't honestly say I "watched" it. I only paid attention to a few minutes, and it's still on.

But I can say that Planes is truly one of the worst turds Disney has ever churned out. If not for the unwatchable, disturbing mess that is The Wild, it would definitely be their worst feature-length cartoon.

Lasseter has sold his soul to something evil.

If you loved Planes, get ready for Planes: Fire and Rescue on July 18, 2014!

This piece of shit made $90 million ($220 million worldwide) on a $50 million budget, so naturally an equally shitty, rushed sequel is on the way.

How anyone, even kids, would have wanted to see Planes is beyond me. When I took my niece to see Despicable Me 2 they played the trailer. I looked over at her and almost laughed at the "...the fuck is this?" look she had on her face (she had a similar look for the Turbo trailer).

Saving Mr. Banks. Really wonderful film. Emma Thompson should get at least an Oscar Nom for her portrayal of PL Travers. My only issue with the film (and this isn't a criticism perse) is that the foundation of the film is propped by one of the greatest films ever: Mary Poppins. Without that film it's hard to be objective about this one, as it both hangs over and props this one up simultaneously. But it's a burden all films should be so lucky to bear.

Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I read some unfavorable reviews so I went in expecting something between nothing and garbage. So it was better than that. People are throwing 'next Forest Gump' out there and it's not that either. It was more like a less funny 40-year old Virgin. It was an average film that's easily 'likable'. Oh, and I figured out where the missing film negative was before he even walked out the door to go find it.

Most likely I will have to endure the turd rocket that is 47 Ronin at some point soon.

An entire generation of Americans will think 47 Ronin is a shitty Keanu movie, and never know it's a great historical epic.

No clue where fucking dragons come in, either.

As promised, took the kids (and visiting Dr. McDiddlepants) to 47 Ronin. To say it sucked a hard shaft might be too harsh, but it was pretty forgettable. The one part I actually got into was the infiltration before the final battle. The Ronin are systematically taking out guards and penetrating further into the compound. That part was cool. The rest of the film was meh with moments of WTF sprinkled throughout. I have no idea why Keanu Reeves needed to be in the film at all. He's no longer a box office drawing name, and he stuck out like a honky at a non-honky convention.
And it was fun watching my son exposed to the idea of seppuku for the first time. It took me back to watching Shogun on TV when I was a wee lad. Ancient Japanese culture is fascinating and badass. Hopefully it has a positive outcome and piques his interest further.

Clearing out the DVR of old recordings to make room for the Breaking Bad marathon, I finally watched the third and fourth Magnificent Seven movies.

Three was okay. I missed Vin, and there was no reason for his absence. And the biggest drawbacks had to do with how hard it was to watch George Kennedy and Bernie Casey, being a big fan of the Naked Gun series, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. But Kennedy was a surprisingly passable Yul Brynner surrogate. Not great, but not horrible.

Four, though, Christ. Lee Van Cleef could not pull off the role of Chris. Every second was corny, and there were a surprising number of abuse references for no reason but shock value. Just a bad movie in nearly every regard.

Funny, I don't think the underlying plots of 2-4 were THAT bad. I'll consider The Magnificent Seven to be canon, and the sequels increasingly weak TV movie adaptations of his later adventures.

Pacific Rim. Giant robots fighting giant monsters. That's almost impossible to fuck up. Guillermo DelToro doesn't fuck it up.

World War Z. Intense zombie movie. Director Marc Forster seemed to have three shooting styles; shaky camera, dark, or dark and shaky. But despite that, one of the better zombie flicks I've seen in a while. Afterwards, I read the entire third act was rewritten and shot for an additional $20M. I'd be curious to watch the original ending.

Tom Foolery wrote:World War Z.Afterwards, I read the entire third act was rewritten and shot for an additional $20M. I'd be curious to watch the original ending.

I guess everything after Brad Pitt leaves Israel was the new stuff added by Damon Lindelof, the man people seem love to hate.
Reportedly the original ending had Pitt ending up in Russia and drafted into a zombie-killing army and gets involved in a massive battle. Meanwhile, his family was sent to a refugee camp in the Everglades, where his wife has had to whore herself out to Matthew Fox in order to ensure the safety of herself and the kids (Fox's role wasn't totally cut, as he has a single line in the final film). When Pitt discovers what happened to his family, he goes off in search of them and the movie ended.

I saw that Fox had a blink-or-you'll-miss-him scene in the film and thought it odd he got like fifth billing. That explains it.
I also found it a bit silly that none of the military people anywhere thought to maybe jury rig some anti-bite armor as standard issue. Especially in Israel, where supposedly they had forewarning of the outbreak. Or the Americans at the Korean base, who were in 'survival' mode at that point and had even coined a clever name for the enemy. Seems like kind of a "duhr" to me. It's not like dead people are sabertooth tigers. Doesn't take much to prevent penetration.

The Samurai Trilogy, with Toshiro Mifune. Way off the historical record, but great nonetheless. Mifune could rule in a biopic about Career Top directed by Michael Bay. Also the women playing Otsu and Akemi were so smoking, I chose to ignore the fact they're both likely dead of old age by now.

Carrie - The 2013 remake. Not terrible. I've never seen the original, but I know the gist of it. Chloe Grace Moretz is the only reason the flick is decent. You could say she..."carries" the film. *rimshot*


Recently...acquired...a few new flicks I plan on watching soon:
12 Years A Slave
Ain't Them Bodies Saints
All Is Lost
American Hustle
Blue is the Warmest Color
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Don Jon
Lone Survivor
Out of the Furnace
Runner Runner
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Act of Killing
The Spectacular Now

Damn, I've been watching a lot of movies over the holiday.

Croods. Humorous animated movie about a Neanderthal family. Worth one watch.

White House Down. Dumb, but fun, movie about terrorists taking over the White House and Channing Tatum as not-secret service agent and President Jamie Fox stopping them. Plot holes galore, but not as shitty as the critics said.

Now You See Me. Four magicians pull off a series of heists with illusions as part of a mysterious benefactor's revenge plan. Fun to watch, but the twist felt tacked on.

We're the Millers. Hilarious drug smuggling movie with Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Aniston, who should be a much hotter stripper than she actually is.

Parker. Based on Richard Stark's Parker novels, Jason Statham gets revenge after a heist goes bad and he's left for dead. Could've been tightened up a bit, but otherwise solid.

Kick Ass 2. Not so great sequel that can't decide whether it wants to be more violent or more campy than the original.

Fast and Furious 6. The franchise motors right along with more exciting driving scenes(although far too many are at night) and lots of cheesy bravado dialogue. Also manages to cull a few of its ever expanding cast. I'll admit it, these movies are a guilty pleasure. It's like eating Long John Silver.